Andrew Knott is NOT a Disaster

An interview with my new favorite writer!

My friends, we have a special edition of Middle-Aged Lady Mom this week. I am what’s known as a “connector.” I love introducing my friends to other friends and watching them go off and have cute lunches and playdates without me. Really. It’s FINE.

This week I wanted to introduce you to a friend I made here on the Substacks— writer, dad, and author of a very funny, delightful book, Andrew Knott. Love may be a disaster, but Andrew’s new book certainly isn’t.

If you enjoy the works of Nick Honrby, Nora Ephron, or funny people who can also write, you will adore this book.

It’s got everything:

• Green Day references!

• A (re)meet-cute!

• Funny parents!

• Sword-fighting!

• Florida as a setting!

Whoa, wait, FLORIDA, Shelly?

Yes, my friends! Just like what NYC was to Sex and the City, Florida is to this book. And although it makes me sweatier and crankier than I already am, I did love reading Andrew’s very fun, vivid descriptions of hot and humid Central Florida. I almost wish an alligator would crawl out my pool. Or that I had a pool.

Not only is Andrew the editor of Frazzled, he writes one of my favorite Substacks, Knott, A Newsletter. GET IT? When I learned about his upcoming novel I was already ready to dish about it just based on the promo copy and adorable cover. (Yes, I absolutely judge books by their covers— apologies to my first grade teacher.)

I mean, right?

I’m very excited to bring you this interview with Andrew. It has it all!:

• Green Day references!

• Funny Parents!

• A deep dive into a writer’s psyche! (Ooh, scary!)

• How weird writing is

• How weird parenting is

I hope you love getting to know Andrew (if you don’t know him already) and get a copy of his book. Go have cute lunches together. I TOLD YOU IT’S FINE.

Let’s get into it!

SHELLY: I just finished reading your novel, Love’s a Disaster, and I have to say, it’s an absolute delight from beginning to end! You said the idea was inspired by a post on a Green Day message board circa 15 years ago about a guy who proposed to his girlfriend in the pit at a Green Day concert (presumably successfully?) You never know where ideas come from, so keep your eyes open, kids! Now I’m inspired— have you ever done something, successfully or not, that would inspire a stranger twenty years from now to write a novel about it? (I have not, so I'm looking for inspiration for my upcoming, yet-to-be-written novel.)

ANDREW: Thanks so much! It’s always such a relief when anyone who reads something I write is like “Hey, I don’t hate this!” My default is to assume everyone will be disappointed, and by extension, mad at me for wasting their time. Of course, it feels even better when writers I admire (you!) say such nice things.

Anyway, for some reason the first thing that popped into my mind after reading your question was the time I moved 800 miles to go to law school and then quit 6 weeks later and moved 800 miles back home. This is mostly a failure story but the funny thing is I remember one fellow law school student tried to spin it as a success. When I decided to quit, I emailed this guy who was in charge of our cohort’s softball team to let him know because that was the only real connection I had made that required severing. The guy replied, “Wow, I admire you for knowing this isn’t working for you and having the courage to make such a quick decision. We will certainly miss you on the softball field.”

The truth of the matter was I had untreated depression and major social anxiety, so I could barely leave my apartment, but I didn’t tell him that. Sucker! I was scared to death by literally everything, but to someone on the outside, it looked like I was brave. It just goes to show you that the stories we tell about ourselves and the stories other people tell about us can be so different.

Also, if you’re currently in law school, you should definitely quit and build a career out of freelance writing because it is much more lucrative.

I’m always curious about how writers write, especially a novel. Did you know how the story would unfold before you started writing it? Or did you just “go with the flow?”

I absolutely did not know! I had this very small premise of the concert proposal and I think the next thing I came up with was the ending. So, from the start, I knew where the story was going to end up which kind of gave me a target to aim at, but all the in-between parts were up for grabs.

When I started this project, I had never written anything longer than a short story of about 6,000 words, so getting to 90,000 definitely felt impossible. To get past that mental hurdle, I fell back on my writing experience which was short humor and essays. The whole drafting process seems kind of like a blur now, almost like it was something that happened to me instead of something I did, but I do remember jumping into my Word doc most weeknights after my kids were in bed and leaving notes about what the next chapter or part of a chapter should focus on. That way, I had something to start with during my writing times while my kids were at school, and it felt kind of like I was writing a series of smaller pieces instead of one huge piece.

After I wrote the book, I saw an Instagram post by one of my favorite writers Fredrik Backman. His writing tip, and I’m paraphrasing here because I can’t find the post now, was to think of a novel as a series of endings. You’re not writing one ending, you’re writing ending after ending after ending. I feel like that’s how I approached writing this book, perhaps almost subconsciously because of my experience with short-form writing. I tried to make every chapter have some sort of arc so the end of each chapter would be, hopefully, satisfying for the reader.

I also settled on a structure almost right away that made it easier for me to mentally plot things out even though I didn’t make a formal outline. I set it up as one chapter from Caleb’s point of view, one chapter from Sadie’s point of view, and one chapter of flashback. I repeated that pattern until it no longer made sense to do so, which was part two of the book when the storylines converged. I had some major guideposts in mind to aim toward (e.g., when Caleb and Sadie meet again, the final ending, etc.) and then mostly ad-libbed to get to each of those.

What is your writing process? How do you manage to find time to finish a novel, edit an online magazine, and write one of the funniest newsletters on Substack, while also being a parent?

First off, I love this question because it reminds me of that Simpsons episode where Mr. Burns is running for political office and his campaign has him eat dinner at the Simpsons’ house as a PR stunt. They make Lisa ask Mr. Burns a question on camera that basically lists his attributes and asks why he is so amazing. Anyway, I would like to reassure your readers that I did not (Knott?) compel you to ask this question! 

Anyway, my answer to the most flattering question I’ve ever received is that I feel like I’ve gotten good at finding little spaces of time and not waiting for big blocks of uninterrupted space to write (or do anything) because those blocks of time do not exist. I’ve been a stay-at-home parent for about a decade so I just kind of get on with it. I write notes on my phone. I plan things in my head while I’m lying on the floor in the dark in my kids’ bedrooms. As I mentioned already if I’m working on a project, I make notes at night so I have something to start with the next day. 

My kids are all in school now, so that helps, but not as much as I thought it would. I had grand visions about how productive I would be while the kids are at school, but it turns out with the varying school schedules (middle and elementary school) I’m free for maybe four to five hours a day and I still have to go to the grocery store, do laundry, keep the house marginally clean-ish, and try to do some paying work if I can. There is still a lot to do.

Of course, I also often feel like I don’t do much of anything or accomplish anything other than sweeping leaves off the trampoline so it’s nice to see some accomplishments listed out like that!

Isn’t writing weird? You’re mostly isolated throughout the whole process, the end result is mostly consumed privately or without your knowledge (we just assume someone somewhere is reading it), but the act of getting people to know about it is so extremely public and awkward. What are your most favorite and least favorite parts of the writing process?

So weird! 

Because this was my first novel writing experience, it was all new to me and I learned a lot about my likes and dislikes. I mostly enjoyed the initial drafting process I think because it felt free and without any real pressure. I could just make anything up I wanted to, which was a big change for me since I more often write nonfiction. 

I did not love the feedback and revision process because I have this tendency to get locked in on the first version of something, so I have a hard time shifting gears and making big changes. I also get my feelings hurt very easily and I tend to take everything personally, which is objectively stupid. I was lucky to have some awesome readers, and then an amazing editor (Elizabeth from Bayou Wolf Press), who helped me shape the story into something that is hopefully solid and compelling. Elizabeth helped me fill in some pretty big holes and solve some plot issues I always saw but couldn’t figure out how to fix.

And, of course, being a depressive, introverted, social anxiety sufferer, the whole promotion process is mortifying. Written interviews like this are amazing… but anything else, oof. 

You mentioned in a previous interview that it’s hard to talk about your writing because it’s hard to “be seen.” It is extremely vulnerable to put yourself and something you created out there for public consumption. (Like sending your child to kindergarten.) But writers can’t help it, I guess. Why do you write? Who do you imagine is reading your words and what do you hope they take away from it?

So, I had dabbled with writing before I had kids but I think I jumped into it more when I became a stay-at-home parent because I just needed something, you know? Like, when you’re spending all your time with babies and toddlers it’s easy to get kind of bored. I started blogging before I had kids to document the year my wife and I lived in England. Then, suddenly that’s over and I jump straight from graduate school at a very ancient university in England, taking weekend trips to Paris or Amsterdam, to pushing a baby in a stroller around the little lake across the street from our groundfloor apartment in an Orlando suburb. It was a bit of an adjustment.

I believe the Huffington Post was the first place I got a piece of writing accepted and from there I was hooked. I spent a lot of my free time trying to get published in different places, mainly because I wanted that validation. 

As for who might be reading, I honestly don’t know. It’s weirdly not something I think about all that much. I’ve always felt like I’m more of a friends and family writer, meaning people who know me in some way or have some connection to me or my family are the ones who read me the most. I also have a fairly consistent readership on Medium since I’ve been writing there for so long. Maybe that will change someday and I’ll get a bigger audience or maybe it won’t. I’m good with it either way. There are lots of downsides to having more readers (mainly people yell at you more and critique you… I don’t like either of those things very much).

What is the nicest thing anyone ever told you about your writing? (I’m not trying to “lead the witness” here so you can say “aside from all of the very effusive emails I wrote to you as I was reading Love’s a Disaster.”

It is one hundred percent the emails you sent while reading Love’s a Disaster! Those are holding down at least the top three slots currently. 

(Just inserting myself here to say YAY!!! And I meant every effusive word! Did I mention how much I loved this book?)

Otherwise, my editor at Bayou Wolf Press, the publisher of Love’s a Disaster, said my writing reminded her of Nick Hornby. I’m a big fan of his so that was a huge compliment. I’m really not good at remembering these types of things but I can tell you all about the one random person who hated my previous book and said it “DIDN’T MAKE SINCE” (sic). It’s a book of essays about being a dad, VALERIE, what is there to be confused about?!?

Did you set out to write a humorous rom-com? Or is humor just an innate part of it because you’re already a very funny writer?

I would say yes, it was both of those things. For me, the premise I was working from dictated that it would be humorous but then I also intentionally added comedic elements and characters including the main character Caleb’s sword fighting hobby, Sadie’s over-the-top parents, Caleb’s straightlaced mom, and several of the friends and side characters.

I like stories that are funny but also have some depth and heart. That’s basically what I was aiming for with this book. Who knows if I accomplished it but I would love to hear that people laughed and maybe even cried a little because I’m a devious puppet master and I want readers to bend to my will. 

What makes a novel “funny.” Is it the plot? The characters? The dialogue? Does it have to be all or nothing? For instance, could you have a funny plot but very serious characters?

I’m going to stay very on-brand here by saying that this question reminded me of a Green Day song. (Music, and Green Day music in particular, plays a big role in Love’s a Disaster because I was the one writing it and I got to decide.) 

“Serious people are funny to me / Funny people seem so serious” – “Little Boy Named Train” by Green Day

Now that we’ve got that obligatory commentary out of the way and my brain is at peace, I can answer your question by saying that I think it’s typically a mix of characters, plot, and dialogue. I feel like you would need at least some characters who are funny or at least understand they are in a funny situation but I’m willing to be convinced otherwise.

I’m a big fan of funny dialogue and banter so that was one of my primary comedic drivers in this book. I also like it when there is a mix of funny and serious characters to provide a balance and so they can play off of each other.

I definitely do not think it’s all or nothing. So many very serious books and serious writers effectively use humor. For example, I’ve recently been reading books by Emily Austin (Interesting Facts About Space and Everyone In This Room Will Someday Be Dead). Her books address serious, heavy topics like mental health and trauma, but they also have super funny parts. I love that juxtaposition. 

So you’re a dad. What’s that like? 🙂

Pass. 

Just kidding! It’s great and also soul-crushing… but mostly great. 

Right now, I’m kind of in this monotonous loop of school prep in the morning, playing with the kids in the afternoon, evening activities, figuring out dinner, homework, bed, repeat. It starts to feel like it’s always been this way but then I’ll get a memory notification on Facebook or whatever and it’ll be the kids doing some weird activity we used to do like making a volcano out of a soda bottle and I’ll remember for a moment and I’ll see how little they were and that will make me think about how my oldest who started middle school this year and is still such a sweet kid used to be so in awe of everything and loved everything whether it was a stuffed animal or a TV show or Santa Claus and now he still has this huge heart but he’s almost a teenager and he’s sarcastic and funny and always on Discord playing video games with his friends and it’s like… really sad that the previous version of him is gone forever even though I love this new version so much too and it’s hard to process how much of parenting and life is just loss after loss after loss so I stick to my routines and wallow in the monotony so I don’t have time to think about what came before or what’s coming next.

Yeah, it’s great… and soul-crushing. 

Do your kids know you write about them? How do they feel about that? Do you have a recommendation for a lawyer who specializes in slander you could pass on to me?

So, they do know to some extent, but honestly, it’s not something I talk a lot about. Like, I don’t even talk about writing all that much. When I said I’m afraid of being seen, I meant it! That applies at home, too.

My kids vaguely know I wrote this book but they have basically no idea what it’s about. I also published a book in 2016 that is a collection of essays and humor pieces about fatherhood. They’ve seen that lying around and it’s been mentioned that it is mostly about my two boys because my daughter was born the year I published the book. I think my daughter is sometimes a bit peeved about that, but also, like me, she hates being perceived, so she’s probably more grateful than anything. 

I’ve always been pretty careful about how I write about my kids and I’ve gotten even more careful as they’ve gotten older. My longtime readers (friends and family!) can probably notice a shift. When I write nonfiction now, I write more about my experiences and feelings and the kids tend to be side characters. 

All that’s to say, you’re on your own. I think I’ve covered my tracks pretty well! (Maybe?)

Are you noticing any of your children taking an interest in writing? How do you feel about that? 

Nope! And I love that for them. 

Of course, they are very young still, so who knows what the future holds (climate catastrophe?). I was not a big reader as a kid and had zero interest in writing until probably my junior year of high school when my English teacher praised my writing. One thing about me: I love being praised! I got more into reading and writing after that, but it was a slow burn. So, there’s still time for my kids to make the wrong choice and become writers! What a disaster that would be.

Andrew, thank you for taking the time to answer my questions! I really wish we did this in person because I now have so many follow up questions. Maybe next time I’m in Central Florida our kids can talk about basketball on Discord (where they’re most comfortable) and you can point out an alligator sunning himself in the Publix’s parking lot. I will need a pocket fan and some sweat blockers.

Love’s a Disaster releases in May. Preorder it here or wherever you buy fine books. (Preorders are really important to a book so if you’re thinking of getting it, I implore you to do ahead and do that now!)

While you wait for your next great read, subscribe to Andrew’s Substack here.

XO,

Shelly

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Spring has sprung and it’s great time to listen to audio books while you pressure wash your patio. Actually, that’s a terrible idea because it will be way too loud for you to listen to a book. But here is a GREAT idea: The audiobook version of Welcome to Dragon Talk: Inspiring Conversations about Dungeons & Dragons and the People Who Love to Play It is 60% off for a limited time! I’ll do the math for you— that’s $8 for 6 hours 56 minutes of Greg and I reading to you.

Now please enjoy this graphic our publisher made for us because nothing says let’s go on an adventure like tulips. Awwww….

Sorry, no link in this image because I could not figure out how to make it work! Link in the paragraph of text the way the good lord intended.