Some of you expressed big feelings about last week’s post. Here’s an example:
“You had lice? Twice?”
That was from my brother. I’m sure I told him. At least the first time.
Yes, I had lice. I got it from my kid who got it twice from (I’m pretty sure) the same kid. In case you didn’t know, kids aren’t great with boundaries. They’re all up in each other’s business and wearing each other’s hats and throwing their nit-filled jackets in a big pile at recess. It happens now, but not back in my day. Perhaps that was due to the diligent work of Nurse Diritus who showed up in our classrooms several times a school year, lined us up, parted our hair this way and that, and poked around with her extra long toothpicks. It felt so good. Am I the only one who loved lice checks as a kid?
The other big shocker from last week was why I would admit to having lice.
“Why are you out there admitting that???”
Also from my brother.
Bruh, you have no idea the things we’re going to talk about here.
Those who were shocked about my confession, were even more shocked about there being photographic evidence. Who took that picture? Who did this to you? Did someone you love actually take that photo and not delete it immediately?
Yes, my friends. Someone did. My husband. The same guy who evaded lice twice. The man who pledged to love me for better or worse but only capture photographic evidence of the latter.
Friends, this is not the only photo of me at the lice removal place. Oh no. There’s a whole series. This got me thinking about all the great moments he has captured between my son and I. Not a single one is framable. Is this how my son will remember me when I am a ghost in a shower cap rubbing my hair follicles on my husband’s pillows? As a woman who looked like a kidnapper’s accomplice’s mugshot? Sigh. It is what it is. So I texted him and said, “Send some ugly pictures of me” and seconds later my phone was blowing up like TMZ outer me as the catalyst in the latest Vanderpump scandal. Well, that didn’t take long.
I am not alone in the “Bad Mom Photos” hall of fame. Dads and partners are notorious for failing to capture the cute moments that happen 100’s of times a day right in front of their faces or taking a shitty photo when prompted to please lift that phone in your two hands to your face and CAPTURE THIS CUTE MOMENT. This will shock you again (sorry in advance, brother) but I feel it is my civic duty to show you some of the Hall of Famers my husband not only took, but KEPT, as a means to bring attention to this ongoing epidemic.
We are doing this1.
Are you ready?
As a busy mom of one…
I sometimes eat garbage off the floor.
Ahhh, getting ready for the annual “baby on a pumpkin photo.” It’s a tradition we do every year (shh, don’t tell my kid the parking lot at Whole Foods isn’t a pumpkin patch.)
Seconds after taking the photo:
My husband: Got it, let’s go!
And last year’s photo is just as cute! Way to go, honey!
Thankfully I looked at both of the photos he “got” before we left and had a redo.
OMG, look, honey! The baby and I dressed alike! Please take our photo before he poops this outfit right off!
Yeah, don’t worry about getting my whole head in the photo. My torso is the real star of the show!
Sidenote: what’s wrong with my feet? Is this AI? Am I AI???
Woo hoo, Disneyland! I tried to find an emoji that captured my son’s emotion after spending 6 hours at the happiest place on Earth. He was soooooooo booooooooorrrred. Why did we make him go to this stupid park? Couldn’t he just watch videos of other kid’s parents taking them to Disneyland instead?
My face on the other hand. Now that belongs in a park brochure— or at least a hotel brochure. A hotel about 160 miles from the park. Also when I try to force excitement on other people, my head apparently gets very small.
I call this: Portrait of an Engaged Mother.
If I went missing, pretty sure this is the photo my husband would give the police.
Comparatively, I think I look pretty good here.
Don’t worry, he takes terrible pictures of our dog too.
You can literally see the fear in Puppy’s eyes. That’s the Man with the Camera’s reflection in his pupil!
So again, Dad’s and Partners hear my words! I implore you. Take the photo. A good photo. Capture the moments! But always show it to her before sharing and for the love of all things holy, bury the rejects deep!
My Issues:
Games for Change: I attended the Games for Change conference this week in NYC to sit on a panel about our D&D school curriculum championed and led by yours truly! It was an absolute joy to be there among so many dedicated, passionate, inspired change makers in the social impact gaming world. I left even more excited about future plans and am still missing my college bestie I got to spend 1 hour and 16 minutes with and the giant bagel with cream cheese I consumed shortly after that panel. I regret nothing.
This Piece of Garbage on the Other Hand: Not impressed Dunkin’ Donuts. After waiting 8 minutes and having the paper bag this was placed in thrown at me by a JFK airport Dunkin’ Donuts employee, this is what I almost ate for breakfast. You guys, it was cold (even though I saw them toss that pre-made egg patty in the microwave.) And the texture felt…unfood-like. And it tasted like jet fuel. God damn I miss that bagel.
Our Foster Dog! After flying all the way across the country yesterday, I jumped in my car and drove an hour to pick up this little cutie-head. She’s believed to be part corgi, part Shepard. ~1 year old.
She will be up for adoption through Dog Gone Seattle. Her previous owner named her Dirt. We’re, umm, changing that. But to what??? Want to help? Please vote for your favorite.
Thanks for reading, friends! Please don’t unsubscribe because of the photos!
XO,
Shelly
My sweet child asked me to NOT share these photos as they are truly awful. But alas. I did. And ignoring his really sound advice is also how he’ll remember me.