Wait WHAT is Hidden Hair Syndrome?? This entire post basically recapped my rational and emotional arguments against and for (respectively) children.
For now, I'll just do the same thing with new dog owners. Puppies are like kids but they're faster, have sharp teeth, and will never understand your language well enough not to carelessly cross the road... they're a treat, but like you said - NEVER FORGET.
First, I initially read “taint tears” like one’s taint was crying. Which, I guess it would if it could. Just thought you’d appreciate knowing that.
So much of this cracked me up, but I really lost it on “Knock me up, Scotty!” and “Another round, good fellow!” And “In just a few months she’ll be where the rest of us were: awake and topless at four AM while a stranger paws at her boobs. (Wait, maybe that is like a trip to Bali?)” Holy shit that made me laugh.
I appreciate a crying taint more than you could ever know. Ummm, yeah, that came out wrong. But you do know me so well. And that song!!! OMG! I feel SEEN!!!
AHAHAHAHA 🤣 I needed this so much!!!! This is absolutely, exactly how I have felt during my conversations with my 8 million pregnant friends (we are all in our late 30s rushing against the deadline because someone told us high-achievers we were supposed to prioritize our careers and completely ignored how much HARDER pelvic floor recovery is post 35).
Thank you for putting words to this weird desire to terrify my glowing pregnant friends with my horror stories.
Wait, you were in a sorority in high school? I assume it's unofficial since it's not really a high school kind of thing.
I didn't carry my son. Health issues meant that we had a gestational surrogate. Long story. In any case, momhood is indeed a lifelong thing. You tend to do 75-90% of the work if you're lucky to have a partner (if the partner is male. I don't know about same sex couples, but my understanding is that they're better at splitting things) - my husband, for example, wouldn't know where to pay my son's tuition or how to register him for school clubs, for example. Sometimes, I feel like he doesn't WANT to know (yes, I know, we need to have a chat)! I could go on about a child's various stages of behaviour, too (we're currently wrapping up Eff-You Five. Much better than Eff-You Four. I don't know if the franchise will continue with $h!tty Six and Seven, but I heard it exists with some families. For others, the reboot doesn't happen until the tween or even teen years and it goes beyond the day you drop them off on campus for university). Then there's the issue of parent shaming (which all parents-to-be, especially moms, need to be warned about). Worse is when it comes from your own, which is often harsher if you are a child of immigrants (I wrote about it here: https://cynthiacm.substack.com/p/what-people-dont-understand-about?utm_source=profile&utm_medium=reader2)!
OK, I KNEW the sorority thing was going to generate questions and I was going to address it-- yes, totally unofficial but they existed for years (my mom was in the other sorority when she went to my high school.) And I hear you on all the rest! ALL OF IT!!! I love your "franchises" and think that should definitely be a topic you explore on Substack!
Wait WHAT is Hidden Hair Syndrome?? This entire post basically recapped my rational and emotional arguments against and for (respectively) children.
For now, I'll just do the same thing with new dog owners. Puppies are like kids but they're faster, have sharp teeth, and will never understand your language well enough not to carelessly cross the road... they're a treat, but like you said - NEVER FORGET.
So funny ! Can’t get enough of it.
First, I initially read “taint tears” like one’s taint was crying. Which, I guess it would if it could. Just thought you’d appreciate knowing that.
So much of this cracked me up, but I really lost it on “Knock me up, Scotty!” and “Another round, good fellow!” And “In just a few months she’ll be where the rest of us were: awake and topless at four AM while a stranger paws at her boobs. (Wait, maybe that is like a trip to Bali?)” Holy shit that made me laugh.
And boy, do I have the perfect video for you: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LbTB3ASkdOo
I am not the only one!!!! I read it that way too. Of course I am a very emotional enneagram four so it tracks...
Ha ha ha, I kind of wish I meant it that way!
You did! Torn taints = taints in tears.
I appreciate a crying taint more than you could ever know. Ummm, yeah, that came out wrong. But you do know me so well. And that song!!! OMG! I feel SEEN!!!
Right? I'm hoping for the Garfunkel, Oates & Middle-Aged Lady Mom Smug Tour '24!
AHAHAHAHA 🤣 I needed this so much!!!! This is absolutely, exactly how I have felt during my conversations with my 8 million pregnant friends (we are all in our late 30s rushing against the deadline because someone told us high-achievers we were supposed to prioritize our careers and completely ignored how much HARDER pelvic floor recovery is post 35).
Thank you for putting words to this weird desire to terrify my glowing pregnant friends with my horror stories.
Thank YOU for making me feel like this sort of behavior is actually NORMAL! You are a PhD! You would know!
Wait, you were in a sorority in high school? I assume it's unofficial since it's not really a high school kind of thing.
I didn't carry my son. Health issues meant that we had a gestational surrogate. Long story. In any case, momhood is indeed a lifelong thing. You tend to do 75-90% of the work if you're lucky to have a partner (if the partner is male. I don't know about same sex couples, but my understanding is that they're better at splitting things) - my husband, for example, wouldn't know where to pay my son's tuition or how to register him for school clubs, for example. Sometimes, I feel like he doesn't WANT to know (yes, I know, we need to have a chat)! I could go on about a child's various stages of behaviour, too (we're currently wrapping up Eff-You Five. Much better than Eff-You Four. I don't know if the franchise will continue with $h!tty Six and Seven, but I heard it exists with some families. For others, the reboot doesn't happen until the tween or even teen years and it goes beyond the day you drop them off on campus for university). Then there's the issue of parent shaming (which all parents-to-be, especially moms, need to be warned about). Worse is when it comes from your own, which is often harsher if you are a child of immigrants (I wrote about it here: https://cynthiacm.substack.com/p/what-people-dont-understand-about?utm_source=profile&utm_medium=reader2)!
OK, I KNEW the sorority thing was going to generate questions and I was going to address it-- yes, totally unofficial but they existed for years (my mom was in the other sorority when she went to my high school.) And I hear you on all the rest! ALL OF IT!!! I love your "franchises" and think that should definitely be a topic you explore on Substack!