You are fucking HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!! 😂 As a VERY sweary mom I have been doing this ALL wrong, instead of living in shame and trying to hold all my fucks and christs and goddamns in, I should simply EMBRACE my shockingly sweary vocabulary and model proud swearing at home for my daughter! Whatever consequences might come from it 😂 Truly, this was a BRILLIANT piece, you are amazing 🙏🙏🙏😂😂😂
Yes, embrace it!!! I mean, your kid won’t grow up NOT sweary, clearly but at least you’ll have someone who laughs when you say things like ballsack and douchehammer.
Also, your son swearing to distract from the chupacabra meltdown was a very Liz Lemon moment. Lemon would be proud and Jack would know what a great friend he had.
You are so much funnier than I am but at least we share a sweary parenting style! I laughed so hard through this whole thing and also HARD relate! My first grader once shouted, "HOLY SHIT!" while we were on a walk with my friend's preschooler who then shouted, "HO-WEE SIT!" Also, the fact that your husband is mortified just makes the whole thing better. I hope he never changes because I forever want to imagine his conflicted anxiety at the sound of these words coming from his own offspring. Conversely, before we were even married, Bryan and I had an actual conversation about letting our kids swear because that's how important it was to me that our kids be allowed to swear. haha
Well, I think you're funnier than I am, Ms. Zug, so there! And I love you even more now knowing we share a sweary parenting style! The fact you and Bryan had a pre-kid convo about it is amazing! Are you kids swear adults?
I too have wondered if I haven't massively failed as a mother by being, ahem, lax about language in our home. But like you said, now all my kids' friends are sweary as hell, so I don't feel so bad. I've actually been taken aback by the liberal F bombs my son's 8yo friends have felt perfectly entitled drop loudly around our house and have even been known to say annoying mom things like, "Language, please!"
What a great story!! Shelly I love this story!! My most embarrassing mom moment was my two year old asking at a very packed Catholic Easter service (we went to please grandma and aren’t religious) in a very loud two year old voice “Is the god they are talking about the same god as goddamn?” I quietly said “Yes. I’ll tell you more about it later.” Little fuckies! 😂
OMG THAT is amazing!!! What a smart, inquisitive, attentive kid you have to associate the two gods! That's really good listening at home AND at church!
I've been having a weird week, including a weird morning, and this just cheered me up more than I can tell you. I really fucking needed this. Love the dynamic between you and your son, and also the dynamic between you and your mother.
I wasn't allowed to swear as a child and now I perpetually sound like the lead in a David Mamet play, so there are no right or wrong answers here.
I am very sorry to hear about your weird week (unless you turn it into a funny story in which case, sorry not sorry?) but I am delighted to think I could have any part in cheering you up!
I told my son this morning over frozen waffles and Nutella toast (the whole “give him sugar and he won’t want it” tact failed too) that I wrote about his sweary little mouth and said something about how I might have failed in the whole de-glorifying swear words and he said, “Ya fuckin’ think?” And then he shoved a bunch of M&Ms into his mouth and went off to school. Parenting— total crapshoot!
Thanks! I’ll be okay. And I may in fact write about it someday.
When I got to “Ya fuckin’ think?” followed by the M&M’s I laughed so hard I actually wheezed. Your kid is fantastic. Fuck Dr. Spock (do people still read Dr. Spock? Do you think he got tired of people calling him Mr. Spock?), you’re raising him perfectly.
My granddaughter, 10, has the mouth of a sailor. I explained to her there’s a time and a place. Once I was visiting and asked her if she wanted Chinese takeout. “Fuck yeah!” she shouted. Still working on time and place.
As another V sweary mom (who didn’t embrace her deep love of cusses until *after* I had married a pastor, who def doesn’t love them as much as me) my children also adore swearing and we absolutely bond over it. But the REAL delight comes from how they naturally gravitate toward using swear words to track their enunciation progress. Example:
When my son was 6 he said to me, “mommy, do you know a bad word? I know a bad word. Sit. Sit is a bad word.” I was looking at him, a little puzzled, and my other children were laughing, “Johnny can’t say ‘shh’!” Then little Johnny screws up his face and with immense effort yells “SHHHHHHHH-IT!” Me: “Oh, high five! You can say ‘shh’ now!”
Omg this was A RIOT 🤣🤣🤣 I don't recall swearing being a major part of parenting for me but probably because I lived alone with my son and my mother is a church lady lol. I had no one to bounce things off of. But when he grew up he and I didn't hold our tongues. I just felt like it was the natural progression of human life 😁
This was so fun to read. I love the relationship you've built with your kiddo. We call them "grown up words" in our house. I very much relate to Bart, I was raised in a house where the word "crap" was considered cursing. My wife was the opposite, and her influence on our kids is much like your own. I still sometimes get tense when I hear a "grown up word" slip from my kid's mouth, as if the word police are going to burst through the door.
I of course learned to embrace curse words as an adult, and even thought I swore a lot until my wife informed me I barely swear at all. I guess relative to my upbringing I do, but not when compared to her. I genuinely thought I swore like a sailor, she just laughed. Her favorite phrase by the way also happens to be "eat a bag of dicks".
Ahhh your wife and I would certainly get along! Sounds like our kids would too! :) I love the idea of your swearing meter being proportionate to your upbringing. Thank you for reading!
You are fucking HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!! 😂 As a VERY sweary mom I have been doing this ALL wrong, instead of living in shame and trying to hold all my fucks and christs and goddamns in, I should simply EMBRACE my shockingly sweary vocabulary and model proud swearing at home for my daughter! Whatever consequences might come from it 😂 Truly, this was a BRILLIANT piece, you are amazing 🙏🙏🙏😂😂😂
Yes, embrace it!!! I mean, your kid won’t grow up NOT sweary, clearly but at least you’ll have someone who laughs when you say things like ballsack and douchehammer.
Also, your son swearing to distract from the chupacabra meltdown was a very Liz Lemon moment. Lemon would be proud and Jack would know what a great friend he had.
You are so much funnier than I am but at least we share a sweary parenting style! I laughed so hard through this whole thing and also HARD relate! My first grader once shouted, "HOLY SHIT!" while we were on a walk with my friend's preschooler who then shouted, "HO-WEE SIT!" Also, the fact that your husband is mortified just makes the whole thing better. I hope he never changes because I forever want to imagine his conflicted anxiety at the sound of these words coming from his own offspring. Conversely, before we were even married, Bryan and I had an actual conversation about letting our kids swear because that's how important it was to me that our kids be allowed to swear. haha
Okay, so not as funny as yours, but I also wrote a story about the time my three year old dropped the f-bomb in front of my mom: https://open.substack.com/pub/jenzug/p/my-three-year-old-dropped-the-f-bomb?r=6er4f&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
Well, I think you're funnier than I am, Ms. Zug, so there! And I love you even more now knowing we share a sweary parenting style! The fact you and Bryan had a pre-kid convo about it is amazing! Are you kids swear adults?
“…Empty your mouth of all the bitches and ballsacks…” 😂😂😂
This is so fucking funny!
I too have wondered if I haven't massively failed as a mother by being, ahem, lax about language in our home. But like you said, now all my kids' friends are sweary as hell, so I don't feel so bad. I've actually been taken aback by the liberal F bombs my son's 8yo friends have felt perfectly entitled drop loudly around our house and have even been known to say annoying mom things like, "Language, please!"
I do that too! Watch your fucking language, kids! And they’re like, “I learned it from listening to you!” 🤣🤣🤣
What a great story!! Shelly I love this story!! My most embarrassing mom moment was my two year old asking at a very packed Catholic Easter service (we went to please grandma and aren’t religious) in a very loud two year old voice “Is the god they are talking about the same god as goddamn?” I quietly said “Yes. I’ll tell you more about it later.” Little fuckies! 😂
OMG THAT is amazing!!! What a smart, inquisitive, attentive kid you have to associate the two gods! That's really good listening at home AND at church!
Just ordered your book and November can’t come soon enough!! Thanks again for such great writing!!❤️
Amazing!! Thank you!
This is one of the funniest things I've read in a while.
Also, just so well written. Thank you.
Thank YOU, Sarah! I appreciate you reading and sharing!
You have now successfully relieved me of all my parenting-language anxiety. I fucking well and honestly thank you from my profane little heart.
You have no idea how fucking happy this makes me! I AM HERE FOR YOU!
I laughed out loud during this one and also realized that maybe I'm not as sweary as I thought!
I am all for raising and lowering the bar as needed!
I appreciate the solidarity. 😆
Thank you for doing that! Sweary moms unite!
🖕
I've been having a weird week, including a weird morning, and this just cheered me up more than I can tell you. I really fucking needed this. Love the dynamic between you and your son, and also the dynamic between you and your mother.
I wasn't allowed to swear as a child and now I perpetually sound like the lead in a David Mamet play, so there are no right or wrong answers here.
I am very sorry to hear about your weird week (unless you turn it into a funny story in which case, sorry not sorry?) but I am delighted to think I could have any part in cheering you up!
I told my son this morning over frozen waffles and Nutella toast (the whole “give him sugar and he won’t want it” tact failed too) that I wrote about his sweary little mouth and said something about how I might have failed in the whole de-glorifying swear words and he said, “Ya fuckin’ think?” And then he shoved a bunch of M&Ms into his mouth and went off to school. Parenting— total crapshoot!
Thanks! I’ll be okay. And I may in fact write about it someday.
When I got to “Ya fuckin’ think?” followed by the M&M’s I laughed so hard I actually wheezed. Your kid is fantastic. Fuck Dr. Spock (do people still read Dr. Spock? Do you think he got tired of people calling him Mr. Spock?), you’re raising him perfectly.
My parents were strict about swearing so I used "Garbage Bucket".
Garbage bucket works too! I might add an "f'ing" to the beginning but it works alone as well!
😂🤣😜🙌
My granddaughter, 10, has the mouth of a sailor. I explained to her there’s a time and a place. Once I was visiting and asked her if she wanted Chinese takeout. “Fuck yeah!” she shouted. Still working on time and place.
Hahahahhahahha amazing! Yes, time and place is the hardest lesson to learn. It's all subjective!
😂😂😂
As another V sweary mom (who didn’t embrace her deep love of cusses until *after* I had married a pastor, who def doesn’t love them as much as me) my children also adore swearing and we absolutely bond over it. But the REAL delight comes from how they naturally gravitate toward using swear words to track their enunciation progress. Example:
When my son was 6 he said to me, “mommy, do you know a bad word? I know a bad word. Sit. Sit is a bad word.” I was looking at him, a little puzzled, and my other children were laughing, “Johnny can’t say ‘shh’!” Then little Johnny screws up his face and with immense effort yells “SHHHHHHHH-IT!” Me: “Oh, high five! You can say ‘shh’ now!”
Oh I love this so much!!! See? It IS a teaching tool! Love that you and your kids bond over swearing!
Omg this was A RIOT 🤣🤣🤣 I don't recall swearing being a major part of parenting for me but probably because I lived alone with my son and my mother is a church lady lol. I had no one to bounce things off of. But when he grew up he and I didn't hold our tongues. I just felt like it was the natural progression of human life 😁
Yes, very natural! Some of us just progress faster and earlier than others!
This was so fun to read. I love the relationship you've built with your kiddo. We call them "grown up words" in our house. I very much relate to Bart, I was raised in a house where the word "crap" was considered cursing. My wife was the opposite, and her influence on our kids is much like your own. I still sometimes get tense when I hear a "grown up word" slip from my kid's mouth, as if the word police are going to burst through the door.
I of course learned to embrace curse words as an adult, and even thought I swore a lot until my wife informed me I barely swear at all. I guess relative to my upbringing I do, but not when compared to her. I genuinely thought I swore like a sailor, she just laughed. Her favorite phrase by the way also happens to be "eat a bag of dicks".
Ahhh your wife and I would certainly get along! Sounds like our kids would too! :) I love the idea of your swearing meter being proportionate to your upbringing. Thank you for reading!