26 Comments
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Krista Steele's avatar

“She claimed it was nice to meet us and (allegedly) hoped to see us again. We licked her face and said goodbye.”

When I tell you I CACKLED.

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Shelly Mazzanoble's avatar

As someone who fancies herself a witch-in-training, this comment just warms my heart! Thank you for reading (and cackling!)

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Chris Guest's avatar

There is a DILF at my son’s school that I’ve been avoiding talking to, because at 6 foot 4, athletic and handsome he can only possibly be a complete dick.

Well, turned out he is really cool and friendly. Now my entire worldview is shattered.

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Marika Páez Wiesen's avatar

Relatable. I confine my chit chat to the nebbish-y dads only. Good looking men confuse me.

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Shelly Mazzanoble's avatar

I LOVE nebbish-y dads! We're doing our best to convert Joe but I fear the siren call of sports dads calls out to him.

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Shelly Mazzanoble's avatar

Nooooooo everything we thought we knew is wrong!!! I hate when that happens. If it helps I still think he’s a complete dick.

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Sri Juneja's avatar

Fucking gold, my friend. Take a bow.

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Shelly Mazzanoble's avatar

Oh my, thank you! I’m afraid if I took a bow I would slip a disk. Maybe a subtle curtsy? Or a royal wave? 😂

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Lou Dungate's avatar

“Do you day drink?” Hahahahaha. Brilliant, thank you.

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Shelly Mazzanoble's avatar

Thank you! Important questions when considering making a new friend.

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Jane Deegan's avatar

This is great and I loved the vo so I can multi-task 😉 I've met some moms that were "mlfs' haven't heard that term in years. I remember seeing beautiful moms that I would be a little intimidated by when my child was young. I would always say what they heck and talk to them, they need friends too. They were all the sweetest people and needed a friend like I did. Now I'm old enough to be a grandmother and you all look like you are hot moms. I'm like, wait are you old enough to have kids? How is it possible to look so young?? So it's all perspective I guess

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Chris Stanton's avatar

LOVED LOVED LOVED this. Your VO is fantastic. I was going to pick out a couple of my favorite lines, but I'd pretty much have to copy and paste the whole thing.

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Shelly Mazzanoble's avatar

THANK YOU, Chris! Thank you! I waited all day to respond to this comment and now I can't think of anything clever or funny to say other than thank you! What a loser! (Is that funny or clever? ME, not you of course.)

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Chris Stanton's avatar

There's no reason we both can't be losers

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Shelly Mazzanoble's avatar

Annnnnnnd this it he comment that will turn me into a paid subscriber. I knew it was coming. Just didn't know when.

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Chris Stanton's avatar

OMG. This is above and beyond. Thank you so much, Shelly! I really appreciate it!

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Tom Pendergast's avatar

This was fun. I understood MILFs when I was a young man, but now that I’m older, does a MILF have to be old enough to be my mother? Because … yuck.

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Shelly Mazzanoble's avatar

Oh no, no, no! It seems the older I get the younger MILFs get. Why is that? But to be fair, I spend a lot of time in Florida visiting my dad and there are very attractive older ladies there who still got it!

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Rick McClelland's avatar

LOL at "I feel like you’re 13 and telling me you met Jon Bon Jovi" (I want to hear more from Bart in the future) and "I heralded the news like I was Paul Revere announcing the Brits." Great stuff! Have Lexa on for an interview here on Substack.

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Shelly Mazzanoble's avatar

Ha ha! Thank you! But Kari and Erin and I have already decided we must HIDE THIS POST from Lexa should she ever really become my friend and read it!

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Jen Zug's avatar

Agreed! I chuckled at Bart! 😂

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Shelly Mazzanoble's avatar

He's reading it right now and still confused!

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Liz Alterman's avatar

Shelly! I loved this! Hilarious! (Curling iron, creamed corn, you’re so good at rhyming, YOU MAKE IMPRESSIVE CHARCUTERIE BOARDS!) Thank you for getting my day off to a great start. 😂

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Shelly Mazzanoble's avatar

One day I'll write a rhyming post just for you, Liz! I AM very good at it!

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Liz Alterman's avatar

I believe you! And after this, I will read anything and everything that you write! 😂

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Shelly Mazzanoble's avatar

Ooooh you’re in for it now! I will always appreciate knowing there is at least one person reading!

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