This was almost impossible to read due to the number of times I had to take off my glasses and wipe my face of snot. SNOT, Shelly! I was crying so hard from laughing, I had snot.
I'm also flabbergasted because my massage therapist told me this week that he's reading a book on menopause. And I said, "Wow, you're a good husband." And then he proceeded to list off three more titles about menopause that are in his TBR pile. 😱 Did Oprah do this? Is this a thing now?
I want to know if the woman fanning herself on the first book cover is intentionally fanning herself with vulvas??? Was that on purpose? A way to get men to read it by making it look every so subtly sexy?
ALSO: no one needs to buy these books anymore. Haven't you heard that the amazing, incredible US government is planning to start a new "menstrual education" program?? I'm sure that will include comprehensive information on reproduction across the lifecycle for women and men.
Oh wait. Menopause means no more babies, which means no more societal use for women. So...scratch that.
I literally thought the same thing about "fan." A bouquet of vulvas! And yeah I think the new education program will be focused on THESE ARE THE THREE DAYS YOU CAN GET PREGNANT NOW GO! Maybe we should buy up all these books now because they'll probably end up banned.
Bestie, you are on fire! Not like the lady on the cover of "Menopause for Men"--she's clearly the grownup version of Drew Barrymore's "Firestarter" character. Or maybe a member of the X-Men(opause). I don't know why the comment about the VERY THICK-SOLED flip-flops made me laugh so hard, but I stand by it! It looks like the bottom of his foot got sliced off. Also, I feel in my bones that I'm now going to be incapable of referring to menopause without putting "the" in front of it.
Well obviously THIS whole comment made me laugh! And I SWEAR TO GOD, I wrote the thick-soled flip flop line and thought, "That's for you, my bestie." STG!
Oksy, X-Men(opause)! That has to be turned into something! A Golden Girls-esque sitcom? A band of roving street performers???? WHAT??? It's brilliant!
It makes me SO happy that you were thinking that about the flip-flops! Hilarious!
OMG, I love X-Men(opause) as like a Golden Girlsesque sitcom. They each have their different mutant powers but the only enemy they can’t defeat is Father Time.
YES! One can obviously MELT enemies. One can cast enemies in a mind-paralyzing FOG. One can destroy a foe by spinning into a RAGE like a barbarian. One is skilled at the art of transmutation and can turn into an evil HAG and send enemies running! I AM INSPIRED!
I'm especially curious about why the man on the cover of 'Where is my wife...' looks like he's pointing a gun at his wife. And also impressed that she's giving such short shrift that she's turned her back on him - maybe she's too busy having a hot flash to pay him any attention?!
This had me cackling in solidarity. The ‘morning poo’ stash, the full-haired fantasy woman on the cover, the pure secret smut, I felt SEEN. I’ve got a whole mental folder of menopause rage and mystery symptoms, and you somehow made it hilarious. Please never stop going down sweaty rabbit holes for our entertainment.
I couldn't get out of this sweaty rabbit hole if I tried! Thank you for reading and sharing your menopause rage with us. You are safe here. These are your people! 😂🥵
As someone whose husband has officially diagnosed her with perimenopause at 43 but also still asks every month if I want to have another baby (with one kid in high school and the other about to finish elementary) this was wildly relatable and hilarious. Just the kind of writing I’m here for. So glad I found you and this sweaty rabbit hole
You bring the candy, I’ll bring the chaos. But just so we’re clear I’m talking the gold bag of gummy bears. Let’s make TV history. I feel like this writer’s room runs on laughter, caffeine, and unresolved childhood trauma anyway!
Okay, now I’m 100% adding ‘accidentally pitched a Hulu sitcom in a Substack comment’ to my bio. Thank you for making my whole week!! This is officially the safest and funniest rabbit hole I’ve ever fallen into. I’m here for the long haul (and the perimenopause plot twists).
This thread is going in the gratitude journal. Right between ‘my kids didn’t fight before school’ and ‘found parking on the first try.’ Emmy dreams and gold bag gummy bears forever! Thanks so much Shelly, this made my day!
😂hilarious. I have notes in the cactus one— WHAT IF that doughy little personage with hair sticking up as if on fire is the menopausal woman? It kinda looks like me right now. And the cactus is MENOPAUSE , the common enemy separating them? You are welcome.
See!? This is why book clubs are great! So many different perspectives! This makes sense. WE are reduced to transparent lines. But where are our hands???
Thank you for these recommendations. I just ordered all of them. I want to be ready for the moment when my wife grows giant boobs and her hair catches on fire.
Hahaha I was squawking and cackling all the way through this, just like the good witch I am 🤣🤣. The bit about the family calendar sent me. Well played, Shelly! Also, I can’t believe Bart now walks among us! Welcome Bart!
So good! Menopause, one day that we are told is ten years because we are the understudy, it appears here too. And they are getting guides while we get meta physical fiction about sex drive, thanks for making me laugh into the tears!
I get it's a joke here, but I keep seeing the same joke and seeing it in real life, the wearing junky clothes for days. This is a sign something is wrong and you are not willing nor able to address it. Personally I intend to follow my grandmother's example and slay to the grave. I'm still working on the motto.
This was almost impossible to read due to the number of times I had to take off my glasses and wipe my face of snot. SNOT, Shelly! I was crying so hard from laughing, I had snot.
I'm also flabbergasted because my massage therapist told me this week that he's reading a book on menopause. And I said, "Wow, you're a good husband." And then he proceeded to list off three more titles about menopause that are in his TBR pile. 😱 Did Oprah do this? Is this a thing now?
STOP! You KNOW another man who is reading these books??? Holy shit I need to check under my husband's sink!
Please report your findings.
I’m scared. 🤣🤣🤣
Jennie, you're note was priceless! I obliged and went to pee before reading this brilliant post. 🤣
Thank you for reading, Dr. Donna!
Shelly, your sense of humor and writing skill are unmatched! And your hubs is a cutie 😊
I found this, Jenny, because of your Note. And YES same reaction, glasses on and off and so much SNOT! Loved, loved loved this, Shelly! Hilarious!
Thank you, Cathy! And Jennie for helping you find it!
I want to know if the woman fanning herself on the first book cover is intentionally fanning herself with vulvas??? Was that on purpose? A way to get men to read it by making it look every so subtly sexy?
ALSO: no one needs to buy these books anymore. Haven't you heard that the amazing, incredible US government is planning to start a new "menstrual education" program?? I'm sure that will include comprehensive information on reproduction across the lifecycle for women and men.
Oh wait. Menopause means no more babies, which means no more societal use for women. So...scratch that.
I literally thought the same thing about "fan." A bouquet of vulvas! And yeah I think the new education program will be focused on THESE ARE THE THREE DAYS YOU CAN GET PREGNANT NOW GO! Maybe we should buy up all these books now because they'll probably end up banned.
Totally. It's going to be like The Purge but for trying to get pregnant! (We joke--but watch this actually become a thing- eek.).
😂😂😂 too funny! The duck and cover book 😂😂😂
Thank you for appreciating that. I’ll release that one first!
Bestie, you are on fire! Not like the lady on the cover of "Menopause for Men"--she's clearly the grownup version of Drew Barrymore's "Firestarter" character. Or maybe a member of the X-Men(opause). I don't know why the comment about the VERY THICK-SOLED flip-flops made me laugh so hard, but I stand by it! It looks like the bottom of his foot got sliced off. Also, I feel in my bones that I'm now going to be incapable of referring to menopause without putting "the" in front of it.
Well obviously THIS whole comment made me laugh! And I SWEAR TO GOD, I wrote the thick-soled flip flop line and thought, "That's for you, my bestie." STG!
Oksy, X-Men(opause)! That has to be turned into something! A Golden Girls-esque sitcom? A band of roving street performers???? WHAT??? It's brilliant!
It makes me SO happy that you were thinking that about the flip-flops! Hilarious!
OMG, I love X-Men(opause) as like a Golden Girlsesque sitcom. They each have their different mutant powers but the only enemy they can’t defeat is Father Time.
YES! One can obviously MELT enemies. One can cast enemies in a mind-paralyzing FOG. One can destroy a foe by spinning into a RAGE like a barbarian. One is skilled at the art of transmutation and can turn into an evil HAG and send enemies running! I AM INSPIRED!
😂 “You can’t spell uterus without us!” This needs to happen! Please get working on the outline!
"Just Do as I Say and No One Gets Hurt! Wait. What Was I Going to Say?" Everyone I know will be getting this one for Christmas.
I'm especially curious about why the man on the cover of 'Where is my wife...' looks like he's pointing a gun at his wife. And also impressed that she's giving such short shrift that she's turned her back on him - maybe she's too busy having a hot flash to pay him any attention?!
The hand gesture is highly confusing. Is it witchcraft? In any case, she can totally outrun him in those thick-ass flip flops.
This had me cackling in solidarity. The ‘morning poo’ stash, the full-haired fantasy woman on the cover, the pure secret smut, I felt SEEN. I’ve got a whole mental folder of menopause rage and mystery symptoms, and you somehow made it hilarious. Please never stop going down sweaty rabbit holes for our entertainment.
I couldn't get out of this sweaty rabbit hole if I tried! Thank you for reading and sharing your menopause rage with us. You are safe here. These are your people! 😂🥵
As someone whose husband has officially diagnosed her with perimenopause at 43 but also still asks every month if I want to have another baby (with one kid in high school and the other about to finish elementary) this was wildly relatable and hilarious. Just the kind of writing I’m here for. So glad I found you and this sweaty rabbit hole
ME TOO! And OMG this whole comment is wild and really needs to be the premise of a sitcom on Hulu.
You bring the candy, I’ll bring the chaos. But just so we’re clear I’m talking the gold bag of gummy bears. Let’s make TV history. I feel like this writer’s room runs on laughter, caffeine, and unresolved childhood trauma anyway!
100% Make room for that Emmy!
Okay, now I’m 100% adding ‘accidentally pitched a Hulu sitcom in a Substack comment’ to my bio. Thank you for making my whole week!! This is officially the safest and funniest rabbit hole I’ve ever fallen into. I’m here for the long haul (and the perimenopause plot twists).
And I am here for your sitcom! Can I please visit the writer's room? I'll bring candy!
This thread is going in the gratitude journal. Right between ‘my kids didn’t fight before school’ and ‘found parking on the first try.’ Emmy dreams and gold bag gummy bears forever! Thanks so much Shelly, this made my day!
😂hilarious. I have notes in the cactus one— WHAT IF that doughy little personage with hair sticking up as if on fire is the menopausal woman? It kinda looks like me right now. And the cactus is MENOPAUSE , the common enemy separating them? You are welcome.
See!? This is why book clubs are great! So many different perspectives! This makes sense. WE are reduced to transparent lines. But where are our hands???
The captions on Duck & Cover were outstanding! 😂🤣 Well done Shelly!
Thank you very much for appreciating that! I’m feeling like this has series potential for sure.
Thank you for these recommendations. I just ordered all of them. I want to be ready for the moment when my wife grows giant boobs and her hair catches on fire.
Don’t forget to practice your questionable hand gestures. Maybe do some lunges too.
Hahaha I was squawking and cackling all the way through this, just like the good witch I am 🤣🤣. The bit about the family calendar sent me. Well played, Shelly! Also, I can’t believe Bart now walks among us! Welcome Bart!
Yesssssssss I am to bring out the good little witches in all of us!
👏 Brava!
Thank you for reading, Sage!
I don't even have a husband and I'm post menopause, so I'm in the chill out lounge these days, but I still cackled like a hyena reading this 🥂🍾
So good! Menopause, one day that we are told is ten years because we are the understudy, it appears here too. And they are getting guides while we get meta physical fiction about sex drive, thanks for making me laugh into the tears!
Hahhahha, right? Where is our guide to THE Menopause???
I get it's a joke here, but I keep seeing the same joke and seeing it in real life, the wearing junky clothes for days. This is a sign something is wrong and you are not willing nor able to address it. Personally I intend to follow my grandmother's example and slay to the grave. I'm still working on the motto.
I like it! It's like a play on Slave to the Grind.
Crying with laughter. Brava!
Thank you for reading, Anya!