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Chris Stanton's avatar

You’ve done a great service to many with this, Bestie. I’m dying that some kid tried to get you to say “come in my butt.” I don’t know whether I should feel impressed or if I want him sent directly to juvie. And your paragraph of profanity…I’m positively giddy. But I’m also a shitidiot, so take that for what it’s worth.

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Shelly Mazzanoble's avatar

The shocking thing is that it wasn’t even my kid who tried to get me to say it. And they all just stared at me with these big hopeful eyes like little cartoon puppies. “Please make her say come in my butt. Please make her say come in my butt!”

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Chris Stanton's avatar

God, I wish there was a video of this!

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Lee Bacon's avatar

“Sleep when the baby sleeps.” 🤦‍♂️

I remember before our first kid was born, people kept telling us to “get your sleep now.” As if that’s helpful. As if sleep is an account balance with deposits you make regularly so you can draw on them during lean times. The night the kid is born—boom! All that stored-up sleep is wiped out.

Also: can I hire you to be our party planner? You seem to have a gift!

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Shelly Mazzanoble's avatar

It would be amazing if you could store up sleep and use it later! And for baby showers, people could register for more sleep! I could not plan a party for someone else. The essence of my anxiety would be all over that birthday cake!

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Liza Blue's avatar

I told my tween daughter that she was too old for a big birthday party and that we would celebrate together as a family. Therefore I was surprised on her birthday when kids starting showing up at the door carrying a present. Turns out that my daughter had quietly organized her own party! I probably rustled up some sort of snack, but they were on their own. Best party ever!

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Shelly Mazzanoble's avatar

Wow! Now that is GOALS! Can I hire her?

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Lisa Hides's avatar

"BUT MY INCOME BACKWARDS" LOL I'm dead hahaha

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Shelly Mazzanoble's avatar

Yep. That conversation was the impetus for this post. Very clever, kids!

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Lisa Hides's avatar

I'm gonna outsmart my kids by using it first. Thanks for the leverage.

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Shelly Mazzanoble's avatar

Omg if only I were that smart!

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Henny Hiemenz's avatar

Douche canoe is vastly underutilized in the lexicon of America

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Shelly Mazzanoble's avatar

Not in this house! 🤣

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Henny Hiemenz's avatar

🤣🤣

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Charlotte (has) Baby Brain's avatar

My kid is turning 6 and the party pressure is already too much. We've done massive parties since he was 2 (tried to make up for him never doing anything in his first year thanks to the pandemic, overdid it and got stuck in an expensive cycle.)

This year he's got one super close best friend who we're taking on a grand day out instead of throwing him a ball. He says he's happy with that but IS HE REALLY? OR AM I SCARRING HIM FOR LIFE?

PS sleep when the baby sleeps is only bad advice with your first, by your third you'll sleep f'ing anywhere, clean house and decorum be damned

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Shelly Mazzanoble's avatar

Has caused many parents to get stuck in an expensive and expansive cycle! We have done the big day out with one friend, and it was a huge success! Good luck!

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Charlotte (has) Baby Brain's avatar

Pleased to hear it, will report back!

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Lindsey Smith's avatar

Oof I am getting a head start with my 5 year old. I routinely feel like I need a sensory deprivation chamber by 5pm on days where she’s at home. And you’re telling me it gets worse?! Hang on, researching underground bunker rentals with a 15-year-lease, brb.

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Shelly Mazzanoble's avatar

Maybe just different and not worse. They definitely leave you alone more, which is great but when they are around it’s pretty wild!

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Sara's avatar

Absolute GOLD. Also, terrifying. My eldest just turned 10 and his friends have started riding to each other’s houses. The amount of food they eat when they come here is sending me bankrupt. Yesterday I realised I’d reached middle age when I yelled at them - “Go to someone else’s house and eat all their food!!” I see this will only get worse (and more wasteful)

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